Azreal left today

Azreal left today. I thought I was doing pretty well, being very strong and focusing on the positives in the situation. We went for a walk late in the afternoon yesterday and he started to get a little sad – the first time I’d seen him sad to be leaving me. Of course he’d been upset that I had been sad but this was the first time his feelings hadn’t been triggered by my outward display of emotions (he’s not much of an “I display my emotions” kind of guy).

And last night when we were brushing our teeth together I just lost it. Of course I ended up laughing – do you know how hard it is to cry and brush your teeth at the same time? Pretty damn hard.

This morning when it came to waiting around for the taxi and then saying goodbye, I restrained myself enough to just a few tears and choked words. But once he left the sobs started. Not a lot – I hate crying and by then I was sick of it! But I fought back tears on the train to work, and I bought myself some flowers to cheer me up and when I brought them into work people asked me why so my voice was a bit shaky as I told them about Azreal (and tears threatened to come out!). But I’m pretty good now. A sad sigh every now and then as I think of him but I think there may be more tears when I arrive home with no one to greet me. And a cold night of TV and an empty bed.

Don’t be so melodramatic! He isn’t gone forever! There’s a girl I work with whose boyfriend is on a temporary contract in London for 6 months, and is likely to stay on after that – she will probably move over there if he is offered the permanent position though.