Grown-up stuff

Azreal and I had a very adult conversation on the weekend. It involved mortgages, marriage and *gulp* children.

It of course started with the fact that we’d been looking at properties in the area and the fact that perhaps we could really only afford a townhouse in our suburb. This wasn’t ideal as we had plans of one day having a family and you couldn’t raise a family in a three bedroom townhouse with no backyard, with a building that was potentially joined onto that of our neighbours. Or at least that wasn’t the way we wanted to do it. Azreal also felt that he didn’t want to buy a place that we’d only have to sell in a few years’ time once we’d outgrown it.

And that brought us to the question: when do we want to have kids? Now I’m 24 (soon to be 25) but Azreal is 28 (turning 29). I’d always thought I’d probably start to try having kids around 28, maybe fall pregnant around 29-30…however that’s three years away. Recently I’d thought, “kids…that’s five years away!” and that’s what I blurted out. I wasn’t exactly expecting the look on Azreal’s face. He replied, “well I’d always thought I’d start having kids around 30. And that’s only next year.”

Sooo..maybe I should have thought before I opened my mouth. But he admitted that 1-2 years away was sooner than we were ready for. But we both realised that we had to start thinking about our plans for kids, and that our age difference which had never presented a problem before was going to have to be something that needed to be negotiated. Obviously being the woman my time was a lot more restricted when it came to having kids. But I have epilepsy so we have to be 100% ready to have kids in terms of medications that I’m on and all sorts of vitamins in my system (since our conversation I’ve been popping folate at the maximum dose – although I’ve been taking the recommended dose for a while now). So perhaps it will be somewhere around the age of 27-28 that we start trying. Damn, that’s only two years away.

And of course, I stated that if we were going to have kids then I wanted to be married. He agreed but looked a bit concerned about this. I know the thought of marriage scares him. I don’t know if it’s marriage itself, or the stress and cost of the wedding. He worries about my very traditional, religious mother and how much she would push for us to do it the church way. I worry about that too! I also worry about all the things you have to do because it’s expected of you. I have thought about weddings a lot lately, with so many people around me having been married or engaged lately, and I think that eloping would be a much better way to go – mind you I think of all the people who would be so disappointed (but isn’t that the point of eloping…escaping the expectations of people?). I hated having to tell Azreal that I wanted to get married. I think every girl wants her boyfriend to pop the question out of the blue but I have realised that Azreal is a practical guy and will only do what is necessary.

Now if we’re going to be thinking ahead and having two kids, we need a house to accommodate us. So that means something like a four bedroom house. We can’t afford one of those in our suburb. We agreed we’d like to have a house before we started having kids (ideally). So we started thinking of places to live. One of those communities with parks and schools and bike paths already in place sounded great, where the people are there for a common interest – like Northlakes or Woodlands – we know a few people who live there and love it. The houses are practically brand new and quite cheap. I can’t drive because of my epilepsy so it needs to be near public transport and we talked about Azreal being the stay at home dad while I stayed at work to be the breadwinner (so he can drive the kids to school, soccer practice, doctor’s appointments). Being the main income earner I’d have to have a substantial income so maybe I should look at getting another job that earns more – perhaps closer to home as transport is an issue in the estates (they tend to be a long way out of town). Now all of a sudden I’m a working mother with two kids, the main income earner and I’m trying to find a new job close to home in the middle of nowhere.

Do you see where I’m going? I spent the next day, well, freaking. My next five years have been mapped out for me and by 30 I’m going to be married with two kids, paying off a mortgage in a house somewhere that’s cut off from the rest of the world, I have to find a job that I can catch public transport to that pays more than I earn here yet I need to come home happy every day because I’m playing happy family (and don’t forget it needs to give me maternity leave).

Now don’t get me wrong. I know Azreal loves me. In fact lately he’s been really affectionate and caring. But I’m enjoying things at the moment. I want to get married and enjoy things. And then have a baby and enjoy things. It’s good to plan, but it’s just scary to lump it all together. I really should grow up – I’m 24. I’m certainly capable of being an adult. By 26 my mother had 3 kids and my parents were running my Dad’s electrical business. It’s just a lot to process.